"America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual life. If we can undermine these three areas, America will collapse from within."
--Joseph Stalin

Monday, January 23, 2006

Houston’s Very Own Miss Piggy

Will Malven

Be proud Houston, we’ve got our very own Miss Piggy. She is working for us under the highly dubious nom de guerre, Sheila Jackson Lee.

Our Miss Piggy-oops, excuse me, Ms. Piggy-is a true champion of egalitarian principles. She reportedly abuses all of her staff equally, without regard for race, color, or national origin. Pay no attention to the complaint filed by one of her former staff for sex and race discrimination. Her complaint was dismissed...because she filed too late.

True to her efforts to emulate the object of Kermit’s affection, Our Miss Piggy is a prima donna. When on a trip to Montgomery, Alabama for a reenactment of Dr. King’s march on Selma, she discovered that one of her “white colleagues” was chauffeured to the event. Being “forced” to drive herself in a rented car, she angrily called staff member Rhiannon Burruss and, being certain that she was not treated the same was because of her race, told her, "You don't understand. I am a queen, and I demand to be treated like a queen."

Yep, Kermit’s gal would be proud of Ms. Piggy of Houston.

Want to hear more? Our Ms. Piggy loves to be chauffeured. In spite of the fact that she lives one block from her Congressional office, she requires her staff to pick her up every morning and drive her to her office.

Always a champion of saving the taxpayer’s money and the environment, Ms. Jackson-Lee only uses two cars to pick her up at the airport, one for her, and one to wait for her luggage. She is, after all, far too important to wait the 10 or 15 minutes for her luggage to be deplaned.

Ms. Jackson-Lee is, like Miss Piggy, famously abusive to her staff. In fact this “woman of the people,” this champion of egalitarianism has one of the highest, if not the highest, staff turnover rate on the Hill. The above Ms. Burruss lasted one month, her predecessor as scheduler lasted fourteen months, a near record. It’s so hard to find good help these days.

No shy retiring wall-flower is our Miss Piggy, she can bully the peons with the best of them.

According to the article, Flying Miss Sheila, in the Houston Press, Ms. Jackson-Lee is suitably well known by the staff Continental Airlines staff as well. They quake in their shoes at her approach.
“As an airline Gold Card carrier with plenty of frequent-flier miles, Lee routinely upgrades her airline seats to first class, not an unusual arrangement. But Lee had come to expect other deluxe perks not always available in Continental's non-hub cities, Cox explained.

She then described an incident the previous month when Lee boarded a flight at National, and found the menu did not include a seafood special she had wanted. ‘She screamed at the top of her lungs at least a minute,’ Burruss quotes Cox as telling her. ‘She embarrassed the flight attendants and the passengers in first class. And she embarrassed herself.’

According to Burruss, Cox claimed Lee declared, ‘Don't you know who I am? I'm Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee. Where is my seafood meal? I know it was ordered!’ When Burruss asked Cox what could be done, Cox asked that her message be relayed directly to Lee, and then joked, ‘We have already given her the Delta Airlines schedule.’"
How proud we are of Our Miss Piggy. She is holding up the best of prima donna standards.

The Hill reports:
“Jackson Lee usually gets first-class upgrades from the airline. But on this particular flight first class was full. After cabin attendants delivered the bad news and showed her to the coach section, Jackson Lee exploded, said one witness.

‘When she saw that she had to sit with other people, she started shouting that she was in Congress and worked hard. She was really loud. Everybody in the plane could hear.’

Frequent flyers say that such outbursts are common whenever Jackson Lee is on board. The Continental crew seemed to take the whole situation in stride. Attendants scurried around to find her other accommodations, and once Jackson Lee got her own row of seats she quieted down.
People just don’t understand how tiring and difficult it can be being a member of the privileged class. Surely none of those “frequent flyers” or displaced passengers could possibly be as fatigued as she.

Our Miss Piggy works hard for her constituents. The Houston Chronicle reports:
“Records acquired under the Freedom of Information Act indicate that Jackson Lee has done a fraction of the casework -- inquiries or intercessions with the federal government on behalf of residents -- done by other Houston-area lawmakers.

For example, Jackson Lee, who has been critical of the Social Security Administration for mishandling the appeals of Texans who have been denied disability insurance, wrote the agency on behalf of 79 constituents since taking office in 1995.

By comparison, Rep. Nick Lampson's office intervened on behalf of 539 people in his district since he took office in 1997...

...Democratic Rep. Gene Green, who has written the agency on behalf of 538 constituents since 1995, also represents many poor Houstonians, some in neighborhoods adjacent to Jackson Lee's district.”
Picky, picky, picky. After all, they’re men, they don’t have to have hair and nail appointments. They just wouldn’t understand. I mean she did after all demand that the National Weather Service start including African American names in the list for hurricanes. Just what we need, equal opportunity storms. I’m certain that her constituents will be better off for it.

No dilettante she, she is always well informed on the affairs of the world. Always curious, while visiting the Johnson Space Center Sheila Jackson Lee, upon looking at pictures from the Mars Pathfinder, asked NASA officials if the robot had photographed the location of where the Astronauts planted the American flag. This “woman of the people” is certainly reminiscent of the old proletariat of the former Soviet Union. They too lived well above the level of their constituents, it being necessary because of the heavy load they carried doing the “peoples business.”

I am reminded of an old joke which circulated back when Leonid Brezhnev was Communist Party Chairman:
Brezhnev was conducting a tour of his house for his mother to impress her with the importance of his position.

After completing the tour, his mother smiled sweetly at him and asked, “This is all so wonderful Leonid, but what happens if the communists return to power?”
It is ever the habit of those leftist who most espouse equality and fairness in our society to be the most abusive of the privileges which come with achieving high office. Whether is was the Clinton’s absconding with furniture and gifts which properly belonged to the White House and the free marketing of pardons, or Ms Jackson-Lee’s self described ascension to the throne.

As one of the most vocal critics of the current White House, one would think that our Miss Piggy would be more cautious in her own abuse of taxpayer’s money, but hypocrisy is ever the way of the Left.

Yes Houston, we can be proud of “Our Miss Piggy.”

Long Live Our American Republic!!!